Stopping the Nightly Struggle: The Strategy Against Insomnia

Insomnia is often perceived as a problem of lack of sleep, but it is above all a problem of fear of wakefulness and the incessant struggle to force sleep. This approach, strongly rooted in the principles of Acceptance and CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia), proposes a radical shift in perspective to break the cycle of hyperarousal and sleep-related anxiety.

If you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, here are some key strategies:

1. Understanding the Enemy: Hyperarousal

Before acting, you must understand. Insomnia, from this perspective, is the result of a state of hyperarousal caused by anxiety. The brain, fearing it won't sleep, enters "threat mode," making it incapable of relaxing.

The Myth to Debunk: Your body knows how to sleep. The proof is that you have slept thousands of times before. The problem is not physiological, but psychological: it is your reaction to wakefulness that keeps you awake.

The Real Enemy: It is not the wakefulness itself, but the effort to sleep (the act of trying to sleep) and the worry it generates. The more you try to sleep, the more alert your brain becomes.

2. The Fundamental Strategy: Acceptance and "Non-Effort"

The central strategy when you are awake is to transition from a state of struggle to a state of effortless Acceptance.

Abandon the Effort to Sleep (The "Non-Doing")

If you are in bed and sleep is not coming:

• Stop Looking at the Clock: "Time-checking" (calculating the remaining sleep time) is a major source of anxiety. Move the clock away or turn it so it's not visible.

• Give Up Forcing It: Cease all techniques aimed at forcing sleep (aggressive controlled breathing, frustrating sleep meditation, etc.). Tell yourself: "I don't need to sleep right now. I can simply rest."

• Change Your Goal: Your goal is no longer to sleep that night, but to feel okay despite the wakefulness and not amplify the anxiety.

  
  

The Invitation to Wakefulness:

Instead of viewing wakefulness as a threat, you welcome it:

• Be Friendly with Wakefulness: If you are awake, acknowledge the state without judgment. Think: "I am awake. It is uncomfortable, but that's okay. I accept it."

• Allow Yourself to Be Awake: Fully authorize yourself to stay awake all night if necessary. Paradoxically, this permission reduces pressure and hyperarousal, creating an environment conducive to sleep.

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3. Action in Case of Non-Sleep: Get Out of Bed

This is the most critical part, often called Stimulus Control in CBT-I.

The Key Rule:

If you have been awake for 15 to 20 minutes (without looking at the time, just an estimate) and you feel frustration, anxiety, or you are struggling, you must get out of bed.

However, if you are not sleeping but are having a neutral, or even pleasant, time in bed, allow yourself to stay there. This will then be a positively perceived association by the brain.

Activity Outside of Bed:

The goal is to break the link between your bed and stressful wakefulness.

• Leave the Bedroom: Go to another room.

• Engage in a pleasant activity:

  • Read a physical book.

  • Listen to a podcast or music.

  • Do a quiet manual activity.

  • Simply rest in an armchair.

  • And even... watch a movie or a series on Netflix. I am of course aware that this statement may seem surprising... and yet. Let's think for a moment: if we gravitate towards so-called calm activities, or when we avoid blue lights, what implicit message are we sending to the brain?

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  Simply that we are trying not to wake up too much or to get closer to sleep through low activity. In other words, that we are still trying to flee wakefulness and that avoiding screens will keep us in this state of struggle.

  Blue lights (which, by the way, are often adjustable through yellow filters) are far less important than our state of alertness when it comes to sleeping. Watching a movie in a relaxed and peaceful manner potentially has a better chance of leading us toward sleep than, on the contrary, trying to practice a tedious activity whose only purpose is to calm or soothe us.

  We cannot really lie to our brain. Our intentions remain perceptible: aiming for relaxation and rest, rather than sleep, is paradoxically what will lead us toward it.

  
  

When to Return to Bed?

You should only return to bed when you feel clear signs of sleepiness.

As soon as you start yawning, your eyelids feel heavy, or you are falling asleep on the couch, return to bed.

If you don't fall asleep quickly, repeat the operation: go out, wait for sleepiness, and come back.

4. Changing the Vision of the Post-Wakefulness Day

Anxiety related to insomnia is not limited to the night. The fear of wakefulness is fueled by the fear of the day that follows.

The Ultimate Goal: The recovery goal is not to achieve 7 or 8 hours of sleep, but to live a fantastic life, regardless of the amount of sleep you had the night before.

• Do Not Limit Your Day: Do not deprive yourself of social or professional activities because you "slept poorly."

• Act Normally: Continue your day as if you had slept well. This sends a powerful message to your brain that lack of sleep is not a catastrophic threat, which reduces hyperarousal on subsequent nights.

  
  

Stop viewing sleep as an obligation and wakefulness as an emergency. It is by releasing the struggle that the natural sleep mechanism, which can only function in a state of calm and security, can resume its course.